One year of Strangeness..!!

Hey stranger,


So,it’s 7th of june,

The day I’ve written my first blog on you.

One year? Is it?


Sometimes I don’t believe I know you from past one year, it feels like I know you from decades.


This weird journey of Craving Nirvana to Anubhav dawar is unforgettable. And I want to cage it in my words. So that no matter what happens further I will have these two-states memories with me..

So,From the very first interaction of ” Hey anubhav can we talk ” to ” Oyeee” And from there to ” Sunn na main soch rhaa rha tha…” ..
From “Sharing posts” to “Writing shaayari in inbox” while random conversations at 3AM..
From “Sharing memes” to “Sharing food pictures” without fail.
From saving your number as ” Mr writer ” to “Sharabi” and then from there to “Anubhav” ( sucking block it was) .


From thinking what to say to saying what we think.

From saying ” Will talk later ” While crying to asking ” Tu theek hai? ”
From ” Stalking you everywhere ” to ” Selecting pictures for your DP”
From “Greeting well mannered” to saying ” Mera bass chale toh gala daba doon main tumhara ” ..


From saying “You can count on me” to ” Tu nirvana ki reader hi theek thi, kese gaaliyaan deti ab ” ..
From crying over ex’s to making fun of them ” (Prakashit ho jayeega )
From ” Hating humans” To ” Yeh kittii cute haii yaaar” . .
From “Hesitant texts” to some “Useless senseless gossip daily” ( approx 20days out of 365 we weren’t in touch)


From being there in my “Inbox” to eating my peace of mind having “Sukoooon as dessert”..


From seeing ” Intense side” to “An impatient kid” in you ..


I’ve successfully wasted my one year. .
So, hey Mr stranger ( dieng to call Mr. Writer) ,


You aren’t stranger anymore..
Now I guess I know you thoda thoda..


Now I know your craziness for mountains and food, your feelings for words, your favourite chocolate icecream, your love for shoes and cars, your butter chicken and garlic naan, your pasta recipe, your midnight cravings, your taste in music, your weekend vibe waali peg, your dream of going Canada, your book in maximum libraries, your mountain waali tattoo, your sleepless nights and days full of naps, your office to your books, your ignorance for humans, your love for traveling and the list goes on..


Well, enough is enough now.. I can’t give you this much happiness, cause you don’t deserve this from my side only because of ruining my head and igniting my midnight cravings.


Rest,, Thank you for holding such a cute part of my life,
Thank you for making me smile. Thank you for believing in me ” Tu toh sher hai ladne mein, yeh GD kya chiz hai” ,
And thank you craving Nirvana for wishing me on my birthday ( this anubhav you know is soo egoist he didn’t even wish me , huuhh) ..
It’s only you who said ” Thank you for existing ” Nobody ever said this to me. Not even my parents..
Well the complain list won’t last, but I don’t wanna fight like I always do..


So yeah, in this one year of strangeness I’ve collected many cute online memories..
Hoping to meet you someday, and will listen to your best of best collections in your voice ( do send me something in your voice, cause main bhoolna nahin chahti) ..


And yes.. Of all the weird dreams I have,


” Chaand – Taare – And your book in one hand with your autograph and chai in another ” Is constant..


I want you to do this , I want you to fulfill all your dreams, I want your name on the list of 100 best writers in India. I want you to never give up on anything. I want the world to wait for your single “Hie”. And I believe you will do that.

No matter I will be there or not, but trust me I’ll be the happiest when you’ll achieve what you deserve. .


Till then..

I hate you the most..

But..

Ho shaam ka sama, chaand aur taare bhi ho wahan ,
Tumhare alfaazon mein lipte panne bikhre ho jahan,
Kuch sukhe patton ke bookmark bhi lage ho wahan,
Mujhe uss sukoon ki talash hai, Tum panno mein milo jahan..
Har panne pe chinar ho, har aakhir mein ho “jaana”.
Dard pe khaamosh ho hawaa, ishq pe sharmaayein fizza,
Mujhe uss jannat ki talash hai,Tum panno mein milo jahaan..!!! “💫

Kritika Srivastava

A Sinful heart..!!

Hey best friend..

I’m sorry, I’m sorry as hell.

I know a sorry can never compensate what I did. But trust me I mean this and I mean each single word I’m going to say..

I know I’m the luckiest cause you loved me with that pure, divine, and unconditional love. You have always been there when needed. I know it was only you who has seen my silliest success to my deepest heartbreak. It was only you who has spent nights on call only because I couldn’t sleep. I still remember the way you made me eat using your own hands. Those gossips about past relationships, even the worst one and all those embarrassed moments too.

When I was happy, you laughed with me, when I was sad you cried with me, when I fall you hold me, when I committed mistakes you were the one who defended it. I believe I’ve done so many things wrong, I’m a total mess and you know that .

And again today I’m making one. This is sinful I know but please, please try to understand..

I can’t love you the way you want me to, look I love you, but never seen you like a partner, no like you’re my partner but..

Aaahhh.. Fuck it..

I always wanted you but only the way we are now, nothing more nothing less. And don’t think that there is someone or something else, you know that there is no one right?

See, I try to think about this a lot, but I can’t..

I just don’t feel the way you feel, and I feel guilty for that.

If I said yes to you or given a chance to this, it would be considered as cheating, cause I don’t feel the same. And I can’t even leave you cause you are important also I can’t see you like this. Crying and hurting all alone that too because of me ..I don’t know what I should do. But I’m sorry..

I know I’m hurting you and trust me hurting you is hurting me even more.. But can’t help it..

And you know after this, I can’t fall for anyone cause if ever I will that too will considered as a sin, or can say my grudge won’t let me fall for anyone ahead.

I feel guilty for not loving you the way you want,And trust me I do. I just know nothing about future but right now I feel how could I love someone else if my heart doesn’t love you.. I shouldn’t..

But all these things and feelings doesn’t make any sense. All that is I’m sorry for breaking your heart. I’m sorry for making you feel like this. I’m sorry..

And this is all I can say you now.. I’m sorry. .!

I miss my best friend sometimes..

I miss you being you and me being me.

And I’m sorry again..

Kritika Srivastava..

Social Draining..!!

Do you feel emotionally drained and mentally exhausted these days?

How much time do you spend on social media lately?

If I am to answer that with all honesty, I say A LOT than I’ve ever been and I’ve never felt so weighed down & affected by all I’ve been seeing.

Let me share with you a portion of what I’ve just read this evening that really nudged my senses.
Elisa Pulliam in her book “Unblinded Faith” shared something I can fully relate with…

“Five minutes spent scrolling through my social media feed tells a story that’s hard to digest, as one person after another requests prayer for a life-threatening health diagnosis, traumatic accident, or some sort of crisis. Five minutes spent reading the news points to world conflict, murders, missing people, and financial mishandlings. It’s enough to make me wonder if God has completely turned His back on us. Do you feel this way too?

What we see and hear in this digital age is much more than and, sometimes, faith can handle. Think about what life was like before social media and access to every news source. We would only know about what was happening in the lives of a handful of people–and those people would be ones we did daily life with in our families, churches, schools, and workplaces. Within those relationships, we would know the deep struggles but also the details of God’s provision.

So maybe the best thing to do is hone in on what God is doing right in front of us in the lives of those He’s intended us to be intimately connected to daily. By pulling back from the social connections that simply drain our souls and cause us to doubt God’s promises are true, we gain emotional and physical margin space to see and respond to the opportunities right in front of us. Maybe that looks like fixing a meal to bring to a family from church while they try to find their new normal after a crisis, or writing an old-fashioned note to a friend walking through a tough time.

When we embrace the opportunities to be fully present in the lives of those who need our physical touch, we also get front row seats to seeing God’s power and provision at work. “

Praying that we find that balance…
That we won’t miss out the times and opportunities God has placed in front of us because we had been too distracted with things outside our reach.

There might be people just near you, might even be beside you who need you right now.

Kritika srivastava..

Virtual Valentine.. 🥀

To,
My forever,

As you know I’m a very less Valentine kind of person but this valentine I want to say you few things.


“I love you”

If there are words good enough to describe the happiness you give me, I haven’t found them yet.The only thing that I know is that I have never loved anyone this much before and I know I never will unless you over and over again.

You know I’ve never said but you actually don’t know how good looking you are, sometimes that old school aura with a pinch of updates vibes, brings butterflies in my stomach.


And you know what I liked the most the way we talk, without thinking about any accent or tone, that endless laughing and ..
And everytime you laugh there is a mole on your cheek  that just moves half inches towards your lips. You know your enormous dreams and passion towards it makes me bow down my head in front .

I was madly in love to the look you gave me when we talk (I always get lost into those infinitely mesmerizing eyes of yours that I sometimes forget to blink while driving in)
And that feeling when I was by your side. I felt I am the world’s most luckiest person for being there.

But it’s been a long time since we talked and not a day has gone by where I haven’t thought of you. I think of you everyday, every morning, every night  and also when the clock turns 11:11. I still used to talk about you to my favourite starts at night.

I wanted to be with you a little more, I wanted to laugh with you a little more, I wanted to handle your flaws a little more, I wanted us a little more..


But I think the version of our love was different and I believed it when you said ” You love her ” ..


We always fall for a person we want to fall, the way I wanted it with you and you wanted it with her.
But hey hey, no bitterness , I still loves you even after everything but it’s just I don’t you anymore.


But I love you..

Happy Valentine’s Day❤


From,
The one who still craves for you..

My favourite playlist..!!

With each passing day,
I’m going too far away from you,
And this time there is no going back,
with each passing second I’m on a mission to forget you,


and trust me, this time I’ll..

So today was the day I deleted one of the most favourite thing I’ve collected in passing years,

“Your voice notes “..

Yes ,Your 678 voice notes,


From the day we were in love to the day we fall out of love.
From the way you loved to the way I lost.
From the day I smiled to the day I cried.
From the day I was blessed to the day I was cursed.


I still had those recordings,
The day you said that ” You love me, and we will be together , till end. ”


When you said ” You are and you’ll be there for me, for my pain, sufferings, failures, sadness, happiness and for my little heart.. “


The day you tried hard to make me smile when I was crying my heart out just because I had lost one of my “jhumka” Which were your favourite.


And the way you used to sing all those situational 90s songs.


The day we were discussing our silly future plans and trips of course.


The day you said, ” I was looking damn pretty in “black bindi ” .


The way we used to sit on our windows and feel blessed to share the same sky and talked to the same moon even being so far.


The day you said ” I used to eat like a baby , so carelessly ”
And even those voice notes too, when we used to sleep on call, and I felt the rhythm of your Breathing. So magical it was,


Now I can feel why Kabir singh said ” I love the way you breath ” .

The way you laughed, the way you teased,
And the way you helped me in completing my assignments on call.


I had saved all those memories, in your voice, and still wonder how this voice, this essence of love, this care, this warmth could end up like the way it did.


How have you said that ” You don’t love me anymore, you’ve find your happiness somewhere else “,


How you said, ” I did never love you the way you deserved , ”


The way you said, ” You were not feeling to be with me anymore.”


The way you were silent this time, when I was crying and begging not to leave.
The way I was requesting you not to cut the call but you did.


The way that girl was summoning me on conference call, for our relationship.
Yes I have all that too.

And even today that break my heart into millions of pieces,
how come you changed??
Or do I deserve to be treated like the way you did.

Anyway, you know today when I played them again, it took just a click to delete them, and in few seconds, my favourite playlist which I used to listen often was no more.

Mostly at nights, when I was running out of sleep, I used to listen them on repeat, Especially the one in which you were sleeping on the other side . and it felt like you were around, holding me close so tight and it made me sleep, everytime.

I don’t know, how am I going to sleep further,
but yeah, I don’t need you now,
and that’s a promise.

No matter how many more nights I’ll have to spend sleeplessly,


but I’ll never get back to you.

Never.

Never..

Poet’s Birthday..!!

Happy birthday stranger..!!

Well this will again sound weird, that I’m writing something for you, But it’s just I wanted to and I’m doing so.

So, “Happy birthday to the ocean of infinite feelings”..


Well now you’ll think why am I calling you this as i didn’t come across any of them, but trust me, you’re.

I know I don’t even know you that much as much I should, before calling you this , but I believe in words and their essence.

And especially the intensity or love in someone’s voice can tell many unspoken feelings.

So, your words have given you this title. And those words, your taste in music and your voice have given me the feeling to call you this;
And you deserved to be called as ” The Ocean of infinite feelings“.

As it’s a blessing day for you,
May you be blessed with whatever you need, and whatever is good for you. May God bless you with the highest of success, and the deepest of love. May God bless you with good health and too much food especially.

Ya ya.. Ohk now stop smiling..

And oops, I forgot the most important one, God bless you with a khoobsurat girl as soon as possible. I wish you’ll meet her soon, with same purity that you have, and same craziness that you carry. Well I know after that I’ll be the first who’ll be kicked out of your life, yeah yeah..But,
That too will be ohk. (Itna dukh main seh loongi jahanpanah) .


Ohk now this is too much,


As always,
“Be the way you are and be the one you are”

Keep writing,
Keep smiling,

And this is a small effort from one of your big big and biggest fans ,though I know you’ve your own world for that,and I’m happy that you’re blessed with the most precious people around. But this is all i can do for you now.

Khwaish hai doon tumhein tohfe main kimti sabhi,
Magar ehsaason ke siva mere pass kuch bhi nahin..
Shabdon se shabd jorte jorte jude ho tum,
Aaj in shabdon ke siva mere pass kuch bhi nahin..
Khuss raho tum chahe kahin bhi iss jahan mein,
Ho mukammal tumhari dil ki khwahisein sabhi..
Kya doon tumhe main tohfe mein kimti sa aaj..
Aaj in shabdon ke siva mere pass kuch bhi nahin..!!!”

Happy Birthday once again..!!

Bless you.!!

Love ❤

Kritika Srivastava.

Milestone 2.0..!!

Pheew.. !!

Here again..

Writing something for you. Knowing you have already received so many wishes and blessings since morning. Just wanted to end up with something mine.. So this one is my kinda appreciation.

I don’t know exactly how you feel today, after completing another milestone, but can imagine the way one could.

So just imagining that smile when you’ve seen your 20K and the way you slept last night with that curiosity of today’s morning must be like one of those flying butterflies in the stomach. Cause I’ve felt that in mine after seeing yours 20K.

Heartily congratulations to the one who’s constant in my mind these days.You deserve this. And not only this. I’m actually waiting for A blue tick and a name tag of “Mr Anubhav Dawar, The Best Selling Author”.!! Yeaahhh..!! This can happen one day for sure. Just have a little more faith in your writings.

There are millions of people who are waiting to see you ahead. This happens when someone put his heart to something. As you have in your “Craving Nirvana”.

You have made your diary and pen priceless writing your words onto them. I wish someday ( main tumhari saari diaries chura ke bhag jaaun) . You know the way you put your soul into your writings, very few can do that..

Aahan..you’re special. Now don’t give that look.

Ok fine now stop smiling and get back to the point. Ahmm..!!

You know there are many people or can say fans around who can never ever came across the one they adore or the one they like. Sometimes they don’t even get a single reply to their messages that they have sent years before. They can only see them and can only think of the replies if they could get someday. Their intentions are pure except some. They just want to appreciate their favourite one that’s it. But they don’t even get a chance to do that.

And this is the thing that I loved the most in you, no matter who they are, no matter how they talk, no matter from where they belong, you reply to them with that same warmth that you have for your close ones, this makes you special. This down to earth behaviour of yours. Keep this, even when you’ll have very hectic schedule or too many people to answer, do make time for them. Cause they are your assets. They surely will bless you.

And and and.. Don’t forget me in between, cause If I won’t be there who else will get jealous of your silly loving fans. Huhh..

Again want to write so many things, but this too will become too long so summing it up here only.

Be the way you are, Be the one you are. Wish you be blessed with all the love and happiness ahead.!!

Har shabd se ishq karwaya hai tumne..
Har aansu ko kagaz pe bahaya hai tumne..
Jo ik pal mein dhadkanko ki raftaar badal de kuch aise khat bhi padhaya hai tumne..
Naa jaanu main tujhse mera raabta hai kya..
Bas kuch yun hi khud ko khaas banaya hai tumne“..!!

Etttaaaaa happyy for you..

God bless..!!

Love ❤

Kritika Srivastava.

Dearest Stranger.!!

From among the stars, the moon has started frowning at me again, as I am writing another blog on you Mr Anubhav Dawar.

I remember when I have written the previous one we were strangers or can say my “Dearest stranger”.. !!

The stranger whom I adore the most these days, the stranger whose path crossed mine in a very different way. A friend, a cure I don’t know, it’s quite difficult to put a name tag.

Well, you’re that dearest stranger who’s around 2000 km far away from me still turning to be my constant don’t know till when. The stranger who knows my heartbreaks to my craziness for stars, music and writings. The one who used to be there when and when I was at my lowest. The one who knows me being insomniac. That’s why my dearest stranger.

Though sometimes I think you don’t even remember a single word of mine, not even my name because of your huge fan followings.

Ahaann..!!

Your silly, crazy, secret lovers whom I used to hate the most, don’t know why, but I do. I wish I could punch them whenever they try to flirt.. huhh..!!

Well, I’m not writing any love letter to you ( though I wish I could). Haha..

Me being flirty..??

Na nahh.. Relax…!!

I’m just trying to express the way one feels to be around a soul like you ( though I hardly know 5% of it). You know in the world full of humans falling for Money and power, I found myself mesmerized with your soul-soothing voice and witty lines( both at the same time, such a split personality you are ).

I just wish how would it feels to see the way you write. I wish I could collect all those rough pages of your diary. I wish I could see the way you smile while writing,(and while reading this blog too)the way you walk the way you talk ( “Idhr dhuk-dhuk hone lagta hai, mini anxiety attacks aane lagte hain” every time I hear your voice, you already know that, right) I wish to feel that with all my senses. The way you gaze at the stars sitting on your window for hours listening to your rare of the rarest songs ( turning to be my favourites now).

Well, that seems impossible though. But that doesn’t mean I could stop wishing !!

I sometimes wonder, how a person being hopelessly romantic, loving, caring and a card person like you is still alone inside and had suffered like hell before finding his cure in his words. I wonder who wouldn’t like to be the rhyme of your Poetries. Blessed she was to have someone like you and unlucky at the same time for not having you.

One could have fallen multiple times for a person who’s in “Craving Nirvana”.. !!

Do you have any idea, the way you used to heal people is one of the most beautiful ways of healing? You heal us with your words, Poetries, stories and songs unknowingly.

And I could say if healing my heart was a recipe Your words were ingredients to that. Your writings have soul, they breathe. They work like that warmth of Mumma’s lap to all the wandering broken hearts around. With each poetry and stories even those two liners are healing someone, somewhere in a very different way, every day, every hour, every minute and every second your words are leaving magic behind.

And I could feel what this writing means to you too, waking up at midnight and start writing, thinking about all those cuts and pieces of one’s soul isn’t a piece of cake for all. You are the founder of a beautiful imaginative romantic world that I doubt do exist. And let me tell you this now, “What ‘Craving Nirvana’ is for you, is turning the same for many too. “!!

I don’t know about others, but now I have reached that level when I don’t need to put an alarm of 5 pm for your next post. It has become daily stuff to reread your old writings before Falling asleep.

Well now, this one is getting too long. And I believe in excess of everything is bad. So summing it up, wanna say ” Be the way you are, Be the one you are, ”

Your words have to travel beyond imaginations winning many more hearts. As you have mine already. And you do ask how many crushes I have. Well, All the romantic writers are my crush, but I don’t write blogs on them, neither I want to. Ok bye.!!

As always, waiting for your book. Wish you be blessed with all the happiness and love.

“Khuda kare tujhe zindagi mein har woh mukaam mil jaaye..
Jis chiz ko tu chaahe tujhe uska saara ka saara Aasmaan mil jaaye..
Main rahoon ya naa rahoon iss zamane mein kahin..
Dua hai tujhe iss zamane ki khushiyaan tamaam mil jaaye..”!!

Love ❤

Kritika Srivastava.

Photograph..!!

Your smile.!!

And again, here I’m. With my pillow soaking pearls and my bleeding emotions. Damn!! That smile, that charming smile of yours in your black n white profile, always takes my breath away. I wish I could tell you, how does it feel to see you like this, how does it feel when I used to talk hours n hours to your photographs.

Have you heard that song, ” So you can keep me, inside the pocket of your ripped jeans, holding me closure till our eyes meet, you won’t ever be alone, wait for me to come home.!! ”

Actually yes, !! I’m waiting, I’m still waiting for you to come home. And till then I’ve your photographs in my ripped jeans.

Darling, do you have any idea, how does it feel to see that picture in your profile, which was my favs, I had edited them right? You remembered?? Or maybe not. !! But I do. I remember the way I was behaving like a child, like that favourite toy which we don’t even want to be touched by anyone, And that’s what you were for me.

Things have changed now, I don’t bother you anymore, I don’t text you randomly to say that I still feel for you, please come back to me. I don’t. With the passing time I’ve realised that your essence of presence is enough for me. I used to talk to your photographs every night before closing my eyes and every morning before seeing someone’s face. And that’s enough for me. I’m happy.

I’m..

And suddenly, that picture there recalls so many memories, like so many. How I used to stalk you from each and every corner, trying to get to your old posts, re-read your messages, making your picture as my wallpaper, and spending hours on my laptop, changing the colours of your one photo. Crazy I was, wasn’t I??

You’ve said, you do unexpected things, and yes baby you do.!! As always, you’ve surprised me, to keep these things till now. I thought you might have deleted them from your phone and life too. But. . .

Though my eyes got stuck, my throat choked, my heart started bursting out, I felt that that pinching of my nails over my skin while clenching me together, that shivered dry lips which started uttering your name. And started some baseless imaginations as you’re on to me. But I know that’s not true. You can never be. But You’ve made all my intuitions alive. You have made me alive.

Does that make any sense, or else you’re just playing with my mind once again. I don’t know. But this is making me restless once again. This has brought me back to life again, to you again. I wish all this could make any sense to you.

But…

Happens..

Everything happens for a reason, and I’m accepting this too, like always. I don’t know you’ll read this or not, and if you do, what would be your reaction to this, or else you might change that photograph too.

But don’t, just don’t do that for my sake at least.

Cz that is my favourite one.!!!

Craving Anubhav.!!

So, here I am, with someone whose name is Anubhav Dawar. Yes, someone whose bleeding words is making him important in my life.

Anubhav Dawar, an unknown face, a writer and an upcoming author and now have become my favourite person too with all his melting words. The owner of “Craving Nirvana” and his bleeding words.

So, Anubhav this letter is for you. It’s around six months I’ve found you, the day when we interacted first was the day I was at my lowest and tried to suffocate myself only because I wasn’t able to forget my past.

Suddenly I saw a story of yours where you were replying to the questions being asked about relationships and heartbreaks. Without wasting a minute I texted, knowing that you’re not going to reply as there are many more followers of such a big personality. And it’s not possible to reply to such silly messages like mine. Still I texted. Don’t know why, but I did.!!

Hey anubhav, can we talk, I want to ask something.

I was so sure of not being seen, but suddenly a notification peeps And it was you with a message

, “, yes, why not “

And from there it continued. The way you and your words helped me to heal, no one did. The people around me were making fun of my emotions, I lost my friends and everyone around to whom I used to talk . Even being unknown, you assured me that I can talk to you in need and that’s when you made yourself important in my life.

Sometimes I feel pity for the one who hurted you, well on the other side I’m grateful too just because of her you’re here and I’ve got my cure.

Though I know, you have so many fans or can say ACs around, and many of them are girls which is making me jealous instead. But I love the way you’re growing. I wish you and your words will reach up to heaven.

The day I heard your voice on “dastak” increased my craziness for you, even more, That passionate voice of yours became one of my favourites. Lucky are your people , who can talk to you directly, or to whom you used to talk. I’m waiting for the day when I’ll be sitting right in front of you and all my senses could feel your voice in real. Though this seems impossible. But yeah, I want to meet you. At least once in my lifetime.

I know this won’t make any sense for you, and I’m supposed to be a crazy fan you won’t even think of. Also my presence or absence won’t make any difference, but trust me you’re important and you’ll be.

Though my name means star, and I’m crazy for them too. So I’m lucky that i found the one in you. You’re turning into my crush. And that charming smile of yours has started making me happy.

And hey hey!! Don’t worry, I won’t be any anonymous psycho fan, who’ll stalk you or will affect your life or something like that. I won’t bother. Like never.!! I’m decent, and you know that I guess.!!

Be the star ⭐ like the way you’re.!!

Keep writing, keep shining.

And don’t forget, I’m waiting for your book. As I’m not that deserving to get that first copy or something but I want one with an autograph.

Till then,

Love.❤

Kritika Srivastava.

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